Shades of Grey
by wubbzy
Summary: The world wasn't black and white, and the same could be said for N and Touko. Train Tracks - the destination was never certain. Happy New Years! 25 oneshots. Ferriswheelshipping.
1. Real Winner

_A/N:_ Most of these will be fairly short. Anything less than 1000 words (maybe more, don't quote me on that), dealing with N and Touko will be in this series. Warning: a bountiful amount of metaphors in later chapters and a bit of spoilers if you haven't finished the game yet. You've been warned.

_Disclaimer:_ I don't own Pokemon.

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**Shades of Grey**

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_If put together, black and white create grey_

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___A Ferriswheelshipping One-shot Collection__  
><em>**Author:**_ _wubbzy_  
><em>_Count:_ 349

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**Real Winner**

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_Touko could win the league, but lost something important._

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Touko could face the eight gym leaders from their respective gyms.

She could face all three brothers of Striation Gym, or calcify her victory against Lenora.

She could scale through Pinwheel Forest in denim shorts, never whining about scratches on her long, pale legs, small twigs in her tousled hair, or grass and dirt stains smeared on her cheeks.

She could get through the most swarming crowds, or get through the driest of deserts on foot.

She could hike her way up the tallest of mountains or through the starkest of caves.

Touko could face the toughest opponents, making her way through any weather hazard that might slow anyone else but her down.

Touko could battle the elite four with full restores tucked in her laced backpack – her tenuous hands were not of trepidation, but of anticipation.

She could face a legendary pokemon with nothing but her six pokemon, catching the beast with a mere masterball.

She could survive any obstacle, any challenge, any pokemon…

Yet, she couldn't even help a friend.

A friend, who didn't understand the world as it was. Who wanted to change it for the better; who she didn't agree with, but knew he had a kind heart for pokemon. A friend she had thought was her enemy that very morning – the one she was planning to give a crushing defeat towards.

He was a friend she felt pity for, because his trust and hope only seemed lost when she stared into his grave eyes. Every truth he once knew was _Gone_. Everything he believed in was _Gone_. Only pathos was etched in his eyes now, and the feelings that regurgitated through her being wasn't sweet at all, because he was now her friend, and she couldn't save him.

She wished to guide him to a better path, one where she could help him seek his truth he so desperately desired…

But she couldn't.

There was nothing but a farewell that left much to be desired and so many things left unsaid.

She could only stand there, bare and _weak_, as she lost a friend.

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_AN:_ Very solemn, but not all will be like this! There will be 25 total until I say otherwise. I'm a bit nervous. Reviews will be highly appreciated.


	2. Distinction

_Disclaimer: _I don't own Pokemon

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___A Ferriswheelshipping One-shot Collection__  
><em>**Author:**_ _wubbzy_  
><em>_Count:_ 713

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**Distinction**

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_N made her question the distinct line between good and bad_.

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Rain pattered over her meek body while her heart was shattered. She quivered, the sheer cold making her skin crawl and feel tainted from the drizzle. Touko continued to saunter aimlessly, feeling so lost, so bare, so _torn_…

He _seemed_ nice. He _seemed_ trusting. He _seemed_ pleasant.

She had found herself enjoying his presence, her breath hitching whenever he walked up to her and demanded a battle. It seemed like a game of cat and mouse, where they'd try to better the other – a game she enjoyed playing.

She was too quick to judge.

The moment her heart broke – her rib cage holding the shattered pieces or else they would have scattered – was when she watched his back as he left the Nimbasa City amusement park.

He had said they could have been friends in Nacrene City. Like the fool she was, she believed him – his eyes full of curiosity and ambition fooled her once, while his sultry smile fooled her twice. Even now, as she was dragging her feet across lively Nimbasa City, she still felt that they really could have been friend: when he gave her that same smile, lying to her – saying he would help search for Team Plasma. He had seemed so curious and lost in thought, the gears in his brain turning, yet his expression seeming so blank.

And she believed him. She truly believed he was on _her _side – the good side.

Touko was fooled into saying yes to the man with green mane, her heart still able to work to get on the Ferris wheel. If he were to say anything, _anything _but the bone crushing words, she might have possibly kissed him with how excited she was and how much her heart was pounding so roughly against her ribs.

The rain continued to drop, her hat doing it's best to shield her face from the droplets, yet it was useless – they continued to trickle down her scarlet painted cheeks.

She wondered how she could have been so idiotic, how she could trust him so easily.

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N was the king of Team Plasma.

He wasn't supposed to smile the way he did. His eyes weren't supposed to show so much care for something. He wasn't supposed to sound the way he did, with that tender tone he had towards his pokemon – and he certainly wasn't supposed to talk about challenging her in a way that made her believe they were _friends_.

He was supposed to hold malicious intent in those eyes brimming with desire for compassion towards pokemon. He was supposed to give off a vibe that made her skin crawl, and made her want to hurt him for doing wrong, for being on the _bad_ side.

His expression should have been of a lunatic, or cannabis, or _something, anything _terrible… instead of the warm expression he gave that made her stomach churn with desire to better herself.

He was supposed to act, feel, and _be_ evil.

He wasn't though, and she couldn't hate him.

Touko's fire rekindled just a bit, her fist clenching, but then unclenching, a woebegone expression making her feel so fragile, she could feel everything breaking – bones crunching, skin melting with the rain…

His full title was Lord N, ruler of Team Plasma...

"…but he didn't seem like a bad guy," she whispered so softly, the pitter patter of rain drowning out her meek voice.

Just like her body, she felt her brain breaking down; the war in her head dissolving her brain so there could only be emptiness in her skull.

He was Lord N, ruler of Team Plasma, but she couldn't bring herself to hate him.

The line, that distinct line that told her good from bad felt faux, and she wanted to believe otherwise, because when someone is on the bad side then they had to be evil.

Now it seemed as if it was just her imagination – there _never_ was a distinction – yet there had to be, right? If someone was on the bad side, they were evil and wrong.

The notion felt disgusting on her tongue that seemed to have fallen apart like the rest of her.

And it was all because of him_… N_, the one she _knew_ had a kind heart, but misleading judgment.

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_AN:_ This was my least favorite of all the one-shots I did for this, but now it became my favorite somehow. However, I'd rather hear _your_ thoughts on this. Please review, they really make my day.


	3. Equation

_Disclaimer: _I don't own Pokemon

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___A Ferriswheelshipping One-shot Collection__  
><em>**Author:**_ _wubbzy_  
><em>_Count:_ 609

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**Equation**

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_He was starting to learn that not everything had to add up to a definitive answer_

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Touko was tough.

She could travel through the icy depths of winter, the transitory changes of fall, the immense heat of summer, and the drizzled rebirth of spring. She could handle herself just fine, making her way through an arduous journey.

She could handle just about anything. She thought she could handle anything.

She wasn't prepared when there was something she just couldn't handle.

They were simple words that could roll off the tongue so effortlessly, yet stung her. They were cacophony to her ear canal.

She cried at simple words – the tone of his voice, the rhythm of each enunciation…

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She placed her hand on his shoulder, trying to give something she didn't have. Her face caressed his back, and his breath hitched. His eyes widened, trying to look behind him. Never had he felt nor understood this – emotion – sensation. It felt odd, yet it warmed his core.

"Please, that's enough. Don't say anymore," she stammered, her tone inaudible to his untrained ears. Her small voice barely grazed his ears while her words came out muffled through his shirt.

She couldn't handle it. She just wanted for him to stop – stop with those dreary words that made her sink into a bottomless pit.

He shared his past with such a listless face; a face that showed nothing. She had first thought this expression was of ambiguity to keep a sense of mystery, yet it truly meant _nothing_. She always dismissed this expression, but now she couldn't avoid what that expression truly meant.

Her spirit shattered at that moment.

He hadn't known how to express any of his emotions or know what he was feeling. He had turned around with a blank expression, no emotions evident. _None._

It was then she realized why she broke down, why her heart was breaking – it was already in pieces, she corrected – why she couldn't handle it.

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She made a silent oath. She vowed to help him find the truth he sought out. She vowed to help him feel the emotions every human had the right to feel.

He couldn't express himself then, but the despair was glazed in his emerald eyes. It was okay if he hadn't had the proper words to say how he felt, it was alright that he couldn't share with her words that he didn't know how to put together to form the sentences that would form. It was all okay because until she was able to help him, she would express his feelings for him.

And so she bawled her eyes out for him, vulnerability and frailness of a porcelain doll taking forth her body, breaking and cracking every bit of marrow, every skin cell, every piece of tissue. She sobbed for his father's mistreatment and the things that man deprived his son of. She wailed out for his lost childhood. She wept for how he couldn't experience the things she had her entire life. She shed these tears for him. She felt so weak, wondering if this was why he sought out power – to control this pain, to make everything better in his heart.

He shook with raw emotion – emotion he couldn't comprehend or tame.

This unrefined emotion burned his chest, desire for more contact with this girl that cried. He turned around and hesitantly asked what was wrong when she buried her face in his chest with a tight embrace, and for a moment, he felt as though he was breaking. His hands felt a tremor, all the way to the pads of each fingers as they remained at his side. He was unable to understand this sensation.

She cried because he couldn't.

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_AN:_ Finally got a chance to edit this one! I hope you guys like it. Sorry for taking so long to post it. Tell me what you think by reviewing!


	4. I want to hold your hand

_AN:_ This was requested by _**Florentine the Great**_, so I really hope you enjoy it! Sorry again for re-posting this, but I just wasn't satisfied with the writing. New updates should be coming soon.

_Disclaimer: _I don't own Pokemon

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___A Ferriswheelshipping One-shot Collection__  
><em>**Author:**_ _wubbzy_  
><em>_Count:_ 550

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**I want to hold your hand**

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_He wondered if her hands were as soft and gentle as her heart._

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N found Touko peculiar. She was different than anyone he had ever met, and he doesn't understand.

His mind kept repeating, _"This was __wrong__,"_ but his heart deceived his thoughts. His eyes held so much tenderness and care for pokemon. He could spot the same thing reflected in her eyes, yet so much more that he had never seen on a human being. Her cerulean eyes seemed to be brimming with pure compassion for her Emolga at the moment.

This was _wrong_, yet his lips curled up into a smile, and he felt his chest rise, feeling his heart swell at the scene.

He liked this feeling, yet he feared it at the same time. What did this mean about his every ideal, everything he knew? What did it mean that he didn't want to separate Touko from her Emolga… it was all too foreign for him to begin to comprehend.

"You're very kind." His eyes averted to her tender fingertips. They gently grazed her Emolga's fur, and the Emolga in return gave a pleasant sound, clearly enjoying itself. He admired every slender finger of hers – her fingers that didn't cause any harm - could _never_ cause harm to a pokemon, he realized.

Without a second hesitation, he clutched onto her hand in absolute fascination and curiosity, every muscle, every organ tingling from the way he was able to feel her skin against his own. He never truly touched someone like this – it felt sensual, and he enjoyed this feeling.

"W-what are you doing?" She was flustered, a bit surprised by the contact with this man, this strange, strange man she met in Accumula Town once upon a time. Her face was painted scarlet, the tips of her ears heating at the close proximity.

"Your pokemon… they say how much they enjoy your company. Your Emolga likes the way you pet him," N stated, a gentle smile rising to his own face, mimicking hers.

"Well, yeah." Touko couldn't help but laugh as a nostalgic flicker of a memory overtook her mind. "My Emolga really likes it when I scratch him behind the ears."

"Your hands are rough." Touko retreated her hand from his grasp, a grimace at the fact she had let him take hold of her for so long, longer than she would have imagined.

"Well, what do expect? I've been hiking through trees in forest and caves!" she retorted, sneering vehemently. Touko felt affronted, making silly excuses for her lack of soft hands. He smiled, and she felt her legs buckle together, her breath hitched – she'd never seen him with such an expression... he almost seemed normal.

"Forgive me. I am merely admiring the contrast."

"Excuse me?" She raised an eyebrow at the odd response. Then again, N was_ odd. _

"The fact that your heart is pure and gentle for your pokemon, while your hands are so rough," he elaborated. "It's very nice." She couldn't look him in the eye, feeling like such a school girl at the moment – her demure made her frustrated, wondering why she couldn't glance at him.

"Touko…?"

"Yeah?" She gasped when he seized both her hands this time, her face heating at the connection he made between them. When she finally gazed into his eyes, she felt… she wasn't sure herself.

"It's beautiful."

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_AN:_ As you can see, my inspiration was "I want to hold your hand" by the Beatles. I really hope you liked it Florentine the Great! xD


	5. Equilibrium

_AN: _This was requested by my dear friend here, **her voice of adieux**, so I really hope you like it!

_Disclaimer: _I don't own Pokemon.

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____A Ferriswheelshipping One-shot Collection__  
><em>_**Author:**__ _wubbzy_  
><em>_Count:_ _573_  
><em>

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><em>

**Equilibrium**

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_They were never on equal terms._

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"_We can't both be heroes. You're the true hero: I was never a hero. I don't understand humans and only pokemon. Wait… no, not even pokemon. I'm just warped." _

N. looked ruthless in her eyes brimming with so much power. When she faced him, she couldn't help but feel just a bit helpless when she gazed into those ambitious flames that had lost its gleam by the end. However, her own eyes were similar, wanting to thrust her own ideals in his face as well, because she wanted him to see.

From their distance, to her, it almost seemed as though he were desperate, trying to show _himself_ that his path was the right one.

They both held equally strong beliefs, and they both held eyes full of ambition.

She didn't care about anything else but defeating him - this was how it worked, this was how it was supposed to be.

In the middle of the battle, when her pokemon were so tired from continuously drinking potion after potion, her own eyes seemed to lose the power, and just felt the fatigue of the entire situation. Throughout calling attack after attack, in the back of her mind, she just wanted a nap. She was so tired. Yet, there he was, his eyes still desperate, and she felt inferior to his prowess. At that point, he seemed so much stronger than her, so superior with his aplomb and the way he could speak to his pokemon with so much conviction, while she felt as though hers came out a bare whisper.

By the end, she had stood tall, and he looked defeated and lost. She really didn't know what to say during their exchange. She stared with listless, sympathetic eyes and pursed lips. Her fist clenched and unclenched.

They were never on equal terms, he had realized. She was always stronger than him, either in battle or interaction.

"You want to protect pokemon. You are strong. You may not know much about others feelings, but you are strong," she admitted, because in his eyes, something died. She felt tears.

He was truly strong. She knew, if she hadn't had the support and love from her friends and family, she would be nothing right now. She wouldn't cling to any hope, unlike the man standing before her who had hung to his ideals no matter what the rest of the world said. She knew, without the support, she probably wouldn't be able to keep going, she wouldn't be here- she was so tired.

"You have so much strength that I admire a lot." His smile sent tingles down every core of her being.

It just didn't seem _fair_. He thought he was doing something right. He thought his motives were for the better, and he wasn't a horrible person. She couldn't detest him for his desires that were ill-advised by everyone around him.

She had known what was right; she had all the support from everyone. She was able to interact with her friends, human and pokemon alike. She understood them more than he ever had. She had all the advantages in the world, while he was left with a narrow view of life, his foggy window only showing a small opening to look through.

Touko desperately wished there was some way to make them truly on equal terms.

But she was always the stronger one, and sometimes, she was sorry because of it.

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_AN:_ Yes, I can never steer away from the angst that is Touko and N. I hope you liked it Yvette! Also, if anyone still wants to make a request on something they want to see in this, please, by all means.


	6. Train Tracks

_Disclaimer:_ I don't own Pokemon.

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____A Ferriswheelshipping One-shot Collection__  
><em>_**Author:**_  
><em>

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**Train Tracks**

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_The destination was never certain._

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N couldn't imagine his room without the train set that he had ever since he could remember. His train set - the small cars that connected to the engine, to the metal hooks to the plastic wheels mounted on metal axles.

He remembered the grooves of the track and the small scenery in the middle of the plain, painted grass the color of jade.

It was always the same though, always repetitive. Automatically, it would go_ round and round and round..._

And it would continue all day until he left his play room. Then when he would come back in the morning, he would watch it go _round and round and round_, all over again.

While he was there, it never stopped - never had a final destination.

It felt similar to his life as a child. _Round and round,_ he did everything in a routine: wake up, have breakfast alone, run to the playroom, play by himself or with an injured pokemon one of the grunts, Anthea, Concordia, or sometimes his father, would bring.

It was always the same… even though he wanted to change the way his friends got so hurt, he couldn't, now then. He would make do with the repetitive routine because he loved his friends who played with him all day in his playroom.

He didn't have any power to change anything - he was just a child. But it was fine for now.

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N had cried a lot as he grew up. Not for himself, but for his friends.

"I'm sorry, I can't do anything for you," N sobbed. His anger usually didn't flare in front of his friends, but he was angry, feeling so insignificant, unable to do anything for them. "Why can't I help you, why am I useless to you? I can't bare it, seeing you in pain like this," he told the Daramitan, anger seething through him. He was so angry, he kicked the tracks of his train set. He grabbed a car, throwing it through the basketball hoop.

N had known where the toy train was headed - a dead end. Broken train tracks, one knew, lead to only demise. It was all a train wreck.

_A train wreck. _

It was all a wreck, everything he knew, everything he thought to be the truth turned asunder, just like the tracks to his train. Just like the train that stayed embedded into that basketball hoop.

It only took a moment for him to realize what a mess he made. He stared at the broken tracks, watching as how they were no more. The train just continued to stop, and go back to the other end until it hit the dead end, and soon continued on as if nothing had ever happened.

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Ghetsis understood and was sure where his son was headed. To the top, the best of the best, to be King of Unova.

With this N, from a young age, hadn't known nor cared where his life was headed - he was simply content with the same thing. As he grew, as he walked down the aisle with the most elegant of robes on towards his father holding the crown, however, he understood where he was headed as well. He would become the lord of team plasma; he would have the power to protect his precious friends. He knew what he must do. He could change the destination of this world, he would save his friends.

N was certain, for the tracks were laid right in front of him. All he had to do was walk forward, and he'd find the destination, what he had wanted most in life.

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He wasn't sure when the tracks started to form a new path. N just wasn't certain.

He just wasn't sure of anything anymore, and it was all because of _her_. The girl that changed his path, the girl that changed _everything._ Touko, with fearless cerulean eyes, had practically grabbed those tracks he had clung on to and completely revamped it. She dismantled his path and helped him forge anew. It was amazing, _she_ was amazing.

His father, all his life, set tracks for him to follow, set a path for him to take. However, now, he didn't want someone else to forge his path, he wanted to do it himself. She set the stage, but now it was his turn to set his own tracks to his destiny.

_Our paths, my friend, will cross again. _

He was sure of it, because someday, he would forge that path right to her.

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_AN:_ Yay, happy, hopeful ending (although this was more N-centric), but hey, I don't do N centric that often, so I hope you enjoyed this rarity! xD Please review, thank you! xD hopefully this'll bring me back to writing again! :D


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